I'm going to uni....

So, I'm going to Uni on saturday... words don't even begin to describe how terrified I am.

I've always struggled making and keeping friends, I'm good at the making friends part.. it's the keeping friends part that I suck at.. I start getting close to people and trusting them with everything, and then I push them away and stop being able to tell them anything, and I don't know how to stop it.. I have absolutely no idea. In a way I think it's something to do with attachments and the fact that I've never really had much of an attachment to anyone, not even my mum, because ever since I was a baby I've been left with other people I guess, like.. went I was about 3/4 months I was put into childminders so my mum could work so I didn't really see my mum as often as most kids do. Then my parents divorced when I was 18 months and I didn't see my Dad very much after that.. I saw him last when I was 3.. and never really understood why I didn't see him, all I knew was that my parents were divorced.. I remember in primary school when we did a family tree that I knew that my parents were divorced, I didn't really know what it meant other than that I didn't have a Dad.. it was a bit strange to me because everyone else seemed to have a Dad and I didn't..

So yeah.. I've always had problems with my attachments to people.

As it's getting closer to me moving to London I'm starting to fear things like.. what if I turn into a social recluse, what if I end up not eating, or eating even less than I do now.. that'll end up with my in hospital which I'd rather not happen.. theres also other worries like how I'm going to cope with looking after myself.. I'm also not happy about having to leave my dancing behind.. something that's always been there for me, through everything.. and stopping helping at brownies and guides every week, that helps keep me going.. I'll be able to go back to that in the holidays.. but for now I'm dreading tuesday because it's like the end of an era..

I don't feel like I'm ready to grow up and fend for myself.. I want to stay here in yorkshire.. I like yorkshire. I love love love London.. but it's not my home.. it's not got all the things I've grown up with.. "/

I'm so dreading next weekend. I don't know how I'm going to cope. I really don't.

:(